


The Last Spectre

by Anonymous



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Destroy Ending, M/M, Post Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 18:41:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: After the fall of the Reapers, Shepard returns to a galaxy in flux.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27
Collections: Anonymous





	The Last Spectre

** _‘It’s okay Commander, I don’t regret a thing.’_ **

** _‘Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.’ _ **

** _‘You did good son.’ _ **

** _‘Don’t leave me behind.’ _ **

*****

The first thing that Shepard sees when he opens his eyes is a lot of white. That and bright lights shining down on him. There’s a steady beeping sound in the background amidst muffled voices coming from somewhere around him and even though he can’t make out what they’re saying, the entire event gives him the strongest feeling of déjà vu. That feeling gets even stronger when a familiar figure steps into his sightline, blocking the harsh glare of the lights and looking down at him with a soft smile on her face.

“Welcome back Shepard.” Miranda says, amusement and a small amount of fondness winding through her voice. “You had us worried there.” She says and he wants to say something to her, ask what’s happened but before he can figure out how to, he hears a harsh beeping sound that draws Miranda’s attention from him towards something off to the side that he can’t see. She’s saying something to someone else and he can see movement out of the corner of his eyes and he reaches up to try and get her attention. He needs to know if everyone is okay. If they’re plan worked. If the nightmare is over. He needs to know what happened to his crew, his friends, to Anderson…and to Kaidan.

Miranda notices his movement and catches his hand with a small chuckle as she pushes it back down. “I thought we’ve been over this before Shepard. Don’t move. Why are you always waking up too soon and trying to move and mess up all my hard work?” She asks before he feels her squeeze his hand. “Rest now. You’re safe.” She tells him and he doesn’t want to rest. He doesn’t want to go back to sleep. He has so many questions that he needs answered but Miranda looks over him again and nods to one of the other doctors. He can only guess what they give him, but the room goes fuzzy and fades out as he’s pulled back under to the sound of Miranda’s voice growing softer and softer as she gives garbled orders.

*****

He wakes up the second time around in an entirely new location. Where the last one looked like he’d been returned to a Cerberus Lab, this one looks more like the outpatient services at Huerta Memorial. The nice thing is that there isn’t a light overhead this time, blinding him when he opens his eyes; but the sun coming through the floor to ceiling windows is certainly doing a good enough job of that on its own. He tries to sit up, to be able to take stock of the room and wherever he is; but the motion brings a hiss of pain to his lips when he shifts his shoulders and there’s movement out of the corner of his eye.

The bed jolts before slowly moving itself into a sitting position and he’s able to catch a glimpse of the man sitting at his bedside. Jacob smiles at him when he makes eye contact with the ex-Cerberus agent.

“Hey Commander.” Jacob greets. “Glad to see you’re finally awake.”

“Jacob?” Shepard tries to push out past dry lips, and instead of the full name coming out of his mouth there’s a kind of croak that cuts off the second syllable right before his throat constricts and he finds himself coughing violently. Jacob moves out of view for a moment before returning quickly with a small cup and helping Shepard to take a sip through the straw.

“Hey it’s cool man. Don’t rush it okay? Miranda would kill me if I let you push it right now.” Jacob tells him, and he has a look on his face like he’s deadly serious about Miranda’s wrath. Shepard figures that Jacob’s a very wise man to be afraid. “And no offense, but between you and me? I’ve been on enough suicide and near-death missions to last me a lifetime so please don’t stick her on me. I’d like to live.” Jacob jokes a little as he finally pulls the cup away. “We really need to stop meeting like this. It’s becoming an unhealthy habit. Seriously, I’m concerned. I’m starting to think that I need to sign you up for Lazarus Anonymous or something.” Jacob says playfully. “Although at least this time mech’s aren’t shooting at us. So, I guess that’s a bonus if you want to look at it that way.”

“Lazarus?” Shepard repeats carefully. He wants to make sure that he doesn’t trigger another coughing fit with his question and Jacob’s smile turns a little strained.

“Yeah man. Lazarus. You…you were in pretty bad shape there when we found you.” Jacob tells him. “Not as bad off as the first time you went through the program, since you were more or less in one piece; but definitely not a good place all in all.” The remembrance of his first time under the Lazarus project makes him ask the next question.

“How long?”

“Almost eight months.” Jacob states and Shepard’s face must give something away at his dismay at the timeframe because he’s quick to add. “There was a lot of reconstruction that had to be done. You pretty much got blown to hell up there; but Miranda’s nothing short of a miracle worker when she puts her mind to it. So welcome back.”

“Eight months? So…we won?” Shepard feels the need to be assured of their victory and Jacob’s smile from before returns to his face.

“Kicked their asses.” He says with a laugh. “I mean, the Crucible packed a little bit more of a punch then any of us were really expecting, but it certainly wiped out the Reapers and all of their creepy little friends.”

“What happened?”

“A lot.” Jacob says with a huff. He reaches behind him and tugs the chair that he was clearly sitting in earlier closer to the bed before he sits down. “The pulse knocked out anything electronic that was on at the time. Which of course opened up a path for a lot of problems that we weren’t expecting at the time. We got past it for the most part, and everything is quickly getting back up and running again.”

“What kinds of problems?”

“Oh…well I mean no one was really prepared for it to target…” Jacob trails off for a second before he cringes. “All of the Geth went offline as well as EDI. Um, the Quarian’s had some problems when it took out their internal suit systems. A lot of them got really sick, and some of them died from bacterial complications but they’ve got it back under control now.” Jacob rubs at the base of his skull. “Anyone with implants got a nasty little surprise. Practically knocked every biotic user flat on their asses and Zaeed was cursing up a storm there for a bit. It was pretty touch and go there for him until they were able to stabilize him.”

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah. For the most part it just crashed the amps for a while. Shorted out any that were plugged in. Had a nasty headache there for a bit, but we all bounced back pretty quickly.” Jacob replies. “And I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t say that all of it wasn’t worth it in order to be able to take down the Reapers.” Jacob’s comments cause a thought to hit Shepard. Kaidan’s L2 amp was already on thin ice most days. Especially since Mars. How did the surge affect him?

“What about Kaidan?” Shepard asks, figuring that he’d just ask right out instead of beating around the bush, and the strange look that crosses Jacob’s face when Shepard brings up Kaidan’s name makes Shepard’s stomach tighten in fear. “Kaidan’s alright right? He got off world in the Normandy didn’t he?”

“No, no. Spectre Alenko is fine now.” Jacob cuts in quickly, holding up his hands in an attempt to calm Shepard down. “He was in the Normandy, which survived. Everyone who was on board is fine.”

“He’s fine ‘now’?” Shepard asks, catching onto Jacob’s choice of words and Jacob nods.

“Yeah.” He nods. “Look, I’m not going to pretend that he didn’t get the worst of it but he’s lucky as all hell. The surge fried the older amp users. Alenko was lucky. Chakwas was able to stabilize him quickly since he was already in the medical ward. From what I understand, he’s one of the few L2’s to survive. A lot of them died from complications.”

“And he’s okay?” Shepard asks, his mind immediately thinking about the potential brain damage that could arise from any complications with the L2 configuration.

“He is. Well, I mean Chakwas and Michel might gang up and kick his ass if he blows another amp this soon, but for the most part from what I’ve heard he’s doing just fine.”

“He blew his amp?” Shepard questions and Jacob shuts his mouth with an audible click of his teeth. It’s almost comical to see how fast he gets a shifty look on his face.

“Oh um, yeah. He did.” Jacob says slowly. “Pretty scary stuff, let me tell you; but like I said before he’s fine now. Checked out and everything, and back out in the field.”

“What happened?” Shepard asks, sensing a story there and Jacob cringes.

“Oh…He was told to keep the biotics offline for a while. You know, because of the surge and the surgery and well…he didn’t listen.” Jacob replies rather cryptically before he rolls his shoulders and attempts one of the worst subject changes that Shepard thinks he’s ever seen. “Everyone else is accounted for as well.” He tells him. “It’s been crazy, and they’ve all been pretty busy in the aftermath; but by some miracle they all made it out alive. Oh, and don’t be surprised that they’re not here. They don’t know you’re up and they’ve been banned from the premises until they get the green light to return. Especially Grunt.” Shepard can’t help the small smile he gets at the thought of the tank-bred krogan terrorizing the hospital staff.

“So they don’t know I’m awake yet?”

“No. If they knew they’d be kicking in the door right now. They know you’re a work in progress, that’s what Miranda’s taken to calling you, her perpetual work in progress.” Jacob laughs a little. “But Miranda wanted to give you some time to get back up on your feet before we sent out the call to bring the gang back. And I mean it’s understandable, considering.” Jacob trails off immediately and Shepard arches an eyebrow at him.

“You know…you’re a terrible liar Jacob.” He tells him and he sees Jacob’s shoulders sag.

“Yeah, I’m not very good at keeping secrets. Trust me, I’m aware.”

“Then what aren’t you telling me? Spit it out already. What’s going on?”

“Damn it. Miranda’s going to kill me.” Jacob mutters to himself before he looks back at Shepard and rolls his shoulders like he’s getting ready for a battle. “So…you should know that this isn’t the first time that you’ve woken up.” He tells him. “It’s just that the last time around…there were some…complications.”

“Complications? What kind of complications?”

“Well, Miranda actually jolted your implants pretty quickly after they brought you in, but for some reason they decided to give up the ghost and you started rejecting them and let me say this; it wasn’t pretty. There was a lot of screaming on your part, and people were freaking out and Miranda had to forcibly take you out…but the commotion drew a crowd and let’s just say that it didn’t end well for any of the parties involved.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you of all people should know that when you have one pissed off biotic attacking another in a small enclosed space…well everything tends to go to hell really fast and in a really dramatic fashion.”

“Kaidan?” Shepard guesses, slowly starting to put two and two together from Jacob’s previous statements about Kaidan using his biotics too soon and blowing his amp.

“Yeah. Although to be completely fair to Alenko, he was on some pretty heavy drugs at the time and so he really wasn’t in the most stable or rational of mindsets and he didn’t…to say he didn’t respond well would be a massive understatement. He must have heard the screaming from the next room and he rushed over despite his own injuries and he kind of flipped out. He saw Miranda kill you and he just…snapped.” Jacob shakes his head, getting a kind of faraway look like he’s remembering the event. “I will say one thing, I will never disparage an L2 ever again because damn. That man can do some serious damage when he puts his mind to it. If it hadn’t been so terrifying it would have been damn impressive. Hell, I’d still say that it was.”

“Was everyone okay?”

“Yeah. I mean it took all three of us; Jack, Miranda and I,” He clarifies before continuing. “To take him out, but we all walked away.” He pauses and gets a thoughtful look. “You know, I’ll admit that I doubted the Council’s choice to make him a Spectre when I learned that he was an L2. I’m sure a lot of people did. There’s a lot of information floating around out there about them. They’re just too…fragile; but hell, I don’t think that anymore.” Shepard spares a small smile in Kaidan’s honor before it falls and he feels the need to be sure.

“But he’s okay.” He asks and Jacob nods.

“Yeah, he’s trekking along. He’s been kept pretty busy these last few months, which is probably for the best. He strikes me as the type who needs to keep moving and keep pushing on when things aren’t in the best of places. I mean, I don’t know him all that well, but he seems like the sort.”

“He is.” Shepard agrees. “How is he staying busy?”

“Well, he’s the last Spectre left behind after the Reaper war. So, he’s become a pretty recognizable face these days. The Council tap him a lot for pretty much everything.” Jacob says. “I mean, the Normandy is kind of their flagship right now for their authority and for the restoration efforts, so he’s been on the move a lot since they checked him out of here.”

“There are no more Spectres?”

“Just you and Alenko.” Jacob replies. “All the others died in the war. Although I guess that the Council will have to reinstate you again since you’ve died on them a second time, but once they do it’ll be you and Alenko.”

“So the team’s out there right now? Helping out?” He asks and he’s not really surprised to hear it. He wouldn’t have believed anything else really.

“Yeah. They’ve all got their own roles they’re playing. I don’t know the specifics on them, but I can give you a generic layout.” Jacob says and Shepard nods. “Okay, um…I’m pretty sure that Dr. T’Soni is still on Thessia. She’s become one of the go to people when it comes to the Asari refugee situation down there. Last I knew, Garrus followed Tali to Rannoch. The Quarian’s are dealing with a lot of rebuilding efforts of their own since they’ve been able to return to their planet.” He pauses to think about it. “Wrex is off making babies much to the Council’s horror and Grunt is helping him to corral the krogan. I’m not too sure where Zaeed or Kasumi are anymore, but I know that Samara went to be with her daughter Falere.” It looks like Jacob’s mentally ticking off names in his head and it’s kind of amusing to see. “Jack’s back with her students at Grissom Academy, god help them all; and Traynor, Cortez and Joker are here at the Citadel working on the EDI project, which I hear is looking like it’s in its final stages before they can hit the reboot so Joker’s pleased. Vega got enlisted with the N7’s and I’m not really sure where he is anymore but I know he’s on earth somewhere.”

“The EDI project?”

“Oh yeah. Remember how I said the surge took out more than we thought? Well it got EDI along with the Geth. She went offline shortly before the Normandy crashed and the body she was in got completely fried. I heard it gave Joker a heart attack. He broke a few bones trying to get to her and to try and save the AI core.”

“Did it work?”

“Sort of. He saved the hardware but not the software. He pulled off a miracle with a no power landing though which saved a lot of EDI’s and the Normandy’s internal systems. I’m told that Garrus was exceptionally annoying with his ‘calibrating’ talk and his flirting with Tali as they repaired the engines.” Jacob tells him and Shepard can’t help but snort at that. God those two were hopeless. “But don’t worry about EDI. It turns out that she had a feeling that this was a possibility so she made backup drives of her core processing and memory banks. The surge still fried it a little bit, so they’re being exceptionally careful about prepping for the reboot, but they’re pretty confident that she should be coming back online soon. She won’t have a mech body for a while, but I doubt Joker cares about that.” Jacob shrugs before he seems to remember the last bit of information that he should pass on. “Oh, and Javik is with Alenko on the Normandy.”

“Javik stuck around?” Shepard asks and there’s a little bit of surprised happiness that goes through him at that. In the time they had together, Shepard liked to think that him and Javik were pretty good friends and it had been heartbreaking when he had spoken to the Prothean in the time before the final battle and had listened to him make comments about taking his own life after the Reapers were gone.

“Yeah he’s still around.” Jacob replies, clearly not understanding why it would be such a surprise. “He’s pretty much Alenko’s right hand man these days. Anywhere Spectre Alenko goes, Javik’s not far behind.”

“That’s good to hear.” Shepard says. “I’m surprised that Joker let Kaidan and Javik run off with the Normandy.”

“Well, EDI wasn’t in it and I guess he didn’t want to be there anymore without her.”

“So only Kaidan and Javik are on the Normandy now?”

“Well, and Allers if you want to consider her part of your team.”

“Allers is still on the Normandy?” Shepard asks and he guesses that he shouldn’t really be surprised when he takes a moment to think about it. If Kaidan really is leading some kind of charge in the aftermath of the Reaper War then of course Allers is going to fight tooth and nail to stay on the ship in order to be front and center.

“Yeah, she’s the go to window for all that craziness.” Jacob says with a wave of his hand. He’s spared Shepard’s questions about what kind of ‘craziness’ when the door opens and Miranda walks in. She looks the same as she always does, not a hair out of place and her outfit far too tight to be within regulation standards. She smiles when she sees him up.

“I do hope that Jacob hasn’t been talking your ear off.” She says in greeting and Jacob shrugs with a grin.

“You know me Miranda.”

“Don’t I ever. Dr. Cole was looking for you out in the hallway.” She says as she points behind her and Jacob nods.

“That’s my cue then. Oh Shepard, we’ll have to bring the baby by.” He says and Shepard nods.

“You better. Wait, you didn’t name it ‘Shepard’ right?” He asks and Jacob laughs.

“No, you’re in the clear. His name is Joshua.” He says before he leaves the room with a parting wave.

“You know, I should start charging you.” Miranda says as she comes over and does a quick scan with her omni-tool. “Although I am pleased to say that everything is looking much better.”

“Are the implants in danger of rejecting again?” Shepard asks and Miranda gives him a look like she’s slightly surprised he knows about it, before she shoots an exasperated look at the door where Jacob just left.

“Seriously Jacob?” She asks the man who isn’t here anymore before looking back at him. “No. From what I can see they’re settling in perfectly now. The last ones shouldn’t have held on as long as they did and I shouldn’t have expected them to hold. We’ve taken extra precautions this time.” She types a few things onto the screen. “As you can imagine, I don’t like having to start over again when I think I’m already done. So, trust me when I say that your new implants are perfect.”

“I heard about what happened with Kaidan. I hope that no one got hurt.” He says and Miranda lets out a tiny sigh.

“Nothing we all weren’t able to walk off later.” She answers him. “Besides, Alenko was more concerned with getting to you and keeping everyone away then he was at being an active combatant.” She says. “So we were able to contain the situation pretty quickly. Just a few minor scratches.” Miranda types something out on her omni-tool. “Alenko got a pretty stern dressing down from Dr. Chakwas but that was about the worst of all of it.” She looks at the information she’s seeing. “I know you’re not going to like this, but I want to keep you here for a little bit longer, if you don’t mind.” She says it like she’s giving him a choice, but he knows better. “We’re going to want to monitor everything and give you some time to get back up on your feet. It’s going to be pretty crazy when everyone finds out that you’re finally awake for good so let’s take the time not to let you settle in properly.”

“When can I have visitors?” Shepard asks her and she gives him an amused look that’s trying to be stern.

“In a little while. Let’s start small though. A few people here and there.” She replies. “But everything’s looking good and I’m feeling optimistic.”

“I don’t know if I said this before, but thank you Miranda.” Shepard says and she smiles with a nod.

“Anytime Commander.”

*****

The first guests that Miranda lets him call in are Garrus and Tali. They come as a sort of two for the price of one and while he’ll admit they weren’t his first choice, he’s beyond thrilled to see them. Miranda had said that Kaidan was temporarily unavailable for contact since he was out on some Spectre mission that had taken him out of current comm range and so the obvious second choice was Garrus.

“Look who’s back from the dead…again.” Garrus laughs when he comes into the room and sees Shepard sitting in the bed and Shepard smiles right back at him.

“Hey there.” He greets and he gets the wind practically knocked out of him when Tali rushes around from behind Garrus to come and hug him with all of her strength. “Hey to you too, Tali.” He says as he returns the hug.

“Don’t do that again.” She mutters into his chest, muffling the speakers on her helmet a little bit. “Do you hear me Shepard. No more. Twice. Twice you’ve died on us. Stop it.” She hits him lightly on the chest with that demand and Shepard can’t help the smile that crosses his face at it.

“I’ll do my best Tali.” He tells her and he waits until she pulls away. “What’s going on with you two? How’s everything going? Miranda doesn’t want me getting any ‘dangerous ideas’ so I’m feeling a little cut off from everything outside this room.”

“It’s been pretty crazy.” Tali admits, easing herself onto the edge of his bed. “We’ve got our first city up and running and we’re slowly in the process of reacclimatizing ourselves to the atmosphere. Garrel almost started another war before he got stripped of command, but that’s about it.”

“Wait what? Garrel almost started another war? Why?”

“Oh, he was upset when Raan and I offered forth our plan to restore the geth processing.”

“You brought back the geth?”

“It wasn’t hard.” Tali says. “I’m kind of an expert on the geth and it felt like it would have been a betrayal to Legion and all the other geth who helped us if we didn’t at least try to restore them when we found their backup data cores.”

“There were those who argued along with Garrel that thought that the geth getting wiped out was a bonus of the Crucible. They felt cheated I guess since the war was over and they Quarian’s weren’t the obvious victors.” Garrus adds. “So that was fun.” It’s clear by the way that his mandibles flare out for a moment that it was anything but.

“Luckily, the overall consensus was that the geth had redeemed themselves when they let us return to Rannoch and helped us build our cities and started helping us with our suits.” Tali says. “So for the most part Garrel was just shouting out into the void with a few very loud supporters; but it died out pretty quickly and we were able to reboot the geth.”

“Like most people, they yelled about it until it showed how it was useful to them, and then suddenly silence.” Garrus snorts. He motions to the tray of half eaten hospital food next to Shepard. “I tried to sneak in some real food for you, but those nurses are like varren. They could smell it a mile away.” He says and Shepard chuckles.

“Yeah, they’ve been pretty stingy on the good stuff. Half of me thinks this is Miranda’s passive aggressive way of getting back at me for making her have to bring me back.”

“Only eight months this time. That’s a far cry from the two years it took last time. So I guess that’s something.” Garrus replies.

“I do have one question. How have the geth been returned but EDI’s still out of commission?” Shepard asks and he gets some shrugs.

“Not really sure, all of that’s a little out of my wheelhouse.” Garrus says. “But from what I understand there was a lot of damage to EDI’s sensors since she was technically split between the Normandy cores and the Eva body.”

“EDI fried a lot of systems getting the Normandy as far away from the blast zone.” Tali fills in. “I guess she wanted to give Joker and the Normandy their best chance to survive even at the destruction of her own core.” That sounds like EDI.

“So, what else is new?” Shepard asks.

“Hmm…Reeger has become the new quarian ambassador.” Tali says after a brief pause. “The Council isn’t ready to accept the quarian’s on the council yet, but this is a huge step for us. To be legitimized and recognized as a government entity in citadel space.”

“He’s a good choice.” Shepard agrees. “How’s it looking?”

“There’s a lot of back and forth, and still a lot of racism, but for the most part it’s moving forward.” Tali replies.

“Have either of you heard from Kaidan?” Shepard asks during the next lull in the conversation after they’ve discussed Rannoch’s rebuilding and he gets lukewarm responses to it.

“Not really. He sends messages at least once a week. Making sure that everything’s fine and that we’re not in need of anything.” Garrus says. “They tend to be pretty short these days, but he’s pretty damn busy so we don’t give him too much hell about it. I’m just impressed he remembers to send anything at all.”

“To be fair, it’s pretty hard to get in contact with him these days.” Tali defends Kaidan to him. “He’s pretty busy and we’d probably have to go through Council channels and you know how ridiculously difficult _that_ can be.”

“So almost nothing? But small talk in eight months?” Shepard asks.

“It’s not to say we don’t keep track of him. It’s pretty easy to do but if we thought for a second that he needed help we’d be there.” Garrus says and Shepard gives him a confused look.

“Wait, how’s it easy to keep track of him if it’s hard to get in contact with him?”

“Well knowing what Kaidan is up to these days is probably one of the easiest things to know. I doubt there’s many people who don’t know what he’s up to.” Tali says.

“Okay…how?”

“Allers and her whole ‘battlespace’ streaming is constantly kicking out new clips and vids of the Normandy and it’s ‘Post Reapers Adventures’ so it’s easy to know what they’re doing.” Tali says.

“I don’t think a week has gone by without a few updates.” Garrus says. “Poor Kaidan, she’s got her claws in him good. Well, I’m sure the Council is requiring it, but Kaidan never was one for the spotlight. I guess we’ve all got our burdens to bear.” Garrus smiles. “But he’s kicking ass and taking names. A far cry from the by-the-book Alliance soldier back during Sovereign.” He adds on. “He’s really come into himself.” Garrus sounds a little proud and Shepard can say that he feels something similar to hear that.

“Yeah, Liara mentioned back on Mars how he’d become pretty capable since then.” He says and he tries to ignore the memories of Mars that want to come to the forefront. Memories of watching Kaidan go down because Shepard wasn’t fast enough. “It’s good to hear that he’s doing okay. Do you think he knows that I’m awake yet?”

“Not a chance.” Tali says and Shepard gives her a surprised look.

“How are you so sure?”

“Because if he did. He’d be here. Council be damned.” She tells him like it’s the most obvious truth in the universe and Shepard can’t help the small smile that he gets when he realizes that it kind of is.

“And after last time, I’m sure that they want to be absolutely sure that everything is green across the board before they bring him back through the doors.” Garrus says with a chuckle and a shake of his head. “You would have thought a Reaper had woken back up with the way people were freaking out and running around screaming.”

“Jacob told me about that.” Shepard says. “You were here when it happened?”

“No. We were out in the waiting room. We just heard the commotion.” Garrus replies.

“And then we had to stop Grunt from storming in there with a shotgun that he somehow managed to smuggle in here.” Tali chuckles and Shepard can’t help but join her at the image.

“Go Grunt.” He says with a smile. “Never let it be said that he isn’t prepared.” He pauses and looks at them. “Thanks for coming guys…I’m really glad to see you’re alright.”

“Likewise, Shepard.” Garrus says while Tali says ‘Me too’ at the same time. “I guess that bar is just going to have to wait for us.”

“I’m sure Mordin’s holding our seats for when we finally get around to getting up there.” Shepard replies and Garrus makes an affirmative noise.

“I’m sure he is. Crazy bastard.”

*****

“-a minor adjustment to the numbers but nothing I’m not comfortable with.” Miranda’s saying over him as she communicates with the other doctors as they poke and prod at him. He sits there obediently like he has for the last few weeks as they run through their checks.

“Hey Miranda?” He asks and she looks down at him.

“Yes Shepard?”

“Can I get a vid screen in here? Or a computer? Anything really? I’m starting to get bored out of my mind with just books to look at.” He asks and she gets a look on her face that quickly falls away like she’s hiding it behind that perfect poker face that even Vega would be envious of.

“I’ll see about getting you one.” Miranda agrees after a few moments of silence and Shepard nods.

“Thanks.” He tells her and he turns his attention back to the doctor who’s telling him to follow the light while another one tells him to breathe in and out slowly so they can get a reading on his lungs before having him lift his arms and put them back down by his side.

He feels more and more like a lab experiment then a hospital patient every day.

Miranda tries to leave without giving him the previously agreed upon vid screen later in the day and Shepard catches her before she can.

“Just…promise me something?” Miranda says as she slowly starts to hold a tablet out for him.

“Depends on what it is.”

“Don’t start feeling like you need to run out there and be a hero. Things look pretty bad if you know where to look and you and I both know that you’re going to go looking…so just don’t make me regret giving this to you.”

“I’ll do my best, but I make no promises.” Shepard tells her and she seems to be able to tell that it’s the best she’s going to get before she sighs and hands the tablet over without another word and leaves the room with the other doctors. He waits a few minutes just to be sure that they’re all gone before he turns it on and connects, already knowing what he intends to look for. Garrus and Tali mentioned how Diana had taken to streaming the Normandy’s adventures, so if Shepard wanted to know what Kaidan had been up to and if he wanted to see that Kaidan was indeed okay – then he knew where to start looking.

He’s not sure what he feels when he starts down the rabbit hole of looking Kaidan up.

There are dozens and dozens of vids for him to choose from on Battlespace’s site and he clicks on a few of them and has to take a deep breath when he sees images of Kaidan doing things like leading a charge against some smugglers trying to make a buck off of some scavenged Reaper corpses. He clicks through dozens more only to see story after story, clip after clip of Kaidan fighting and arresting pirates, slavers, and would be tyrants and dictators trying to take advantage of the limited movement between systems right now.

There are also clips of Kaidan doing similar work like what he was doing back on Horizon all that time ago, rewiring communications towers as well as defenses. Allers is getting her journalistic weight in gold with how many vids she has on the biotic Spectre and Shepard watches as Kaidan moves from crisis to crisis with that same optimistic fire in his eyes and that boyish smile. There’s something else there too though, in some of the videos that Shepard catches a brief glimpse of it every now and then, and he’s sure he only catches it because he knows Kaidan so well and he knows how to read the other man better than he knows how to read himself sometimes – exhaustion.

It’s written into how he holds himself for a moment sometimes when it’s clear that he doesn’t know that the camera is on him. It’s in his eyes during some of the interviews where Allers and her viewers bombard Kaidan with question after question. It’s in the tiny way he shifts his weight between pauses in the battle before leaping back into the fray.

“God Kaidan…what are they doing to you?” He asks to the empty room as he does a mental calculation of how much time must be passing in between some of these missions and he doesn’t like how little of it he’s calculating.

He almost throws the tablet against the wall in frustrated rage when he tries to send out a message over the com channels to the other man and the terminal locks down. It takes him a minute to take a deep breath and formulate a plan of action.

It looks like he isn’t going to be keeping his half promise to Miranda after all.

He has to get out of here…And he knows just how to do it.

*****

“Hey,” Jack says when she enters the room, walking over to him and slugging him in the shoulder.

“That’s a lot nicer than your last hello.” Shepard chuckles. “I guess I’ll take it.” She grins with a shrug.

“Well you’re barely holding it together these days, so I guess I can take pity on an old man.” Jack fires at him as she takes a seat in the chair and kicks her feet up onto his hospital bed. “How are you holdin up?”

“Honestly? No clue, I’ve been getting mixed signals on that front.” Shepard replies. “One moment I’m doing great and then the next they’re all ‘we’d like to hold you for more tests’.”

“Doctors.” Jack sneers in solidarity, her distaste for the profession clear in her tone.

“How are your students?” He asks, trying to start the conversation on something easy and Jack gets a small smile as she thinks of them.

“They’re doing good. A couple of them even got awards so I took them all out to get inked like I promised.” She glances at Shepard. “Hell, I’m in a giving mood. If you want to go out and get some color added to your lily-white ass just let me know, my treat.”

“I think I’m good Jack.” Shepard chuckles and she smirks at him. “Thanks for coming.”

“Anytime, fuck it beats grading any day.” She replies easily. “And at least this time I’m not getting thrown around like a rag doll.”

“I heard about that.” Shepard says. “I’m sorry.” He offers up to her and she snorts with a roll of her eyes as she leans back in her chair even more, making a gesture with her hand like she’s waving off his apology.

“Eh, don’t be. I was actually impressed. I wouldn’t have thought that good old stick-up-the-ass had it in him.” She says. “It was pretty hot, even if he choked at the end.”

“Choked?” Shepard asks and she nods.

“Yeah, probably could have taken us all out if he hadn’t frozen up like a deer in the fucking headlights.” She says, brushing her pants. “One moment he’s kicking our asses – I’m not ashamed to admit it – and then the next he’s just staring at the cheerleader like he’s seen a ghost.”

“What happened?” Shepard presses. This is new information about the incident that everyone seems to be in on the mission to keep him from finding out what really happened.

“Don’t know.” Jack shrugs. “Although I guess in some ways it’s for the best that he decided to do his best fucking Bambi impression, otherwise little miss ‘genetically perfect’ might have lost her head. All puns intended.”

“Miranda said that he hadn’t been attacking anyone?” He tells her and Jack snorts.

“That’s not how I would have described it.” She says. “I would have said that he was all blue and full of rage and fucking _hot-_”

“Jack.” Shepard cuts her off and she winks at him.

“What? I’ve got eyes, just like the rest of the fucking galaxy. Have you seen the number of fan sites that pretty boy has now? Even just the ones dedicated to his ass? Damn do they know how to film it or what, because it’s a work of art Shepard. Tell me you climbed that like Mt. Fucking Everest and planted your flag or I’m going to disown you.” Jack points at him and Shepard must get a look because she cackles. “Oh yeah, you’ve been all up on that. I should buy you a fucking cake.”

“Jack.” Shepard tries to get her back on track. “Bambi?”

“I don’t know, one moment he was kicking our asses, throwing us around like toys and then for some reason he chokes on a kick. Chokes on a fucking kick of all things. If he’d been my student, I would have failed him right then and there.” Jack rants and Shepard feels like ice has just rolled down his spine.

“Kaidan almost used a biotic kick on Miranda?” He asks, needed clarification and Jack nods.

“Yeah, and it would have had some good force behind it too.” She says, uncomprehending of the gravity of what she’s saying. “Cheerleader’s fine though. I have to give it to her, she didn’t hesitate. Just took him out right then and there while he stood there, white as a fucking sheet.”

_God Kaidan._

“What happened after that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t really get a chance to check up on him before the Council showed up and had the doctors plug a new amp in him and send him on his way.”

“He was healed though?”

“…probably? Who knows, the Council said jump and all the doctors did the Olympics. Then they pulled pretty boys leash and walked out the door.”

“Pulled his leash?”

“Their new favorite pastime haven’t you heard?” Jack replies with a roll of her eyes. “If you’re worried though, he seemed fine when he swung by the Academy.”

“Grissom?”

“Yeah, they’ve pulled us all back there now.” She says. “I guess he trained a lot of the Biotic Special Forces units.”

“Yeah, he did.” Shepard says, remembering how worried Kaidan had been about his students.

“Well he came and he did a speech. It was hopeful and optimistic and charming and all-around gag-inducing but everyone ate it up.”

“But not you?” Shepard asks with a grin and she gives him a look like he’s a moron.

“Do I look like the kind of person who would eat that crap?” She asks him as she shoves at his thigh with her foot.

“Not at all. You still look like the kind of person willing to do something even if they were going to possibly get in a lot of trouble for doing it.” Shepard says, almost flippantly and Jack gives him a look.

“I could be.” She says and he makes eye contact with her.

“…I need you to do me a favor Jack.”

“Name it.”

“…I need you to break me out of here.” He says and there’s a brief moment of no reaction on her face before the biggest shit-eating grin twists on her lips.

“I knew I liked you best for a reason.”

**Author's Note:**

> A comment and kudo would be much appreciated :-)


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